Thursday, November 20, 2008

Itta kaiku re bolte miyan?

The lame, for-the-want-of-time pointed format makes a strong comeback. 5 reasons to visit Hyderabad:

1. Here, disguised unemployment seems to be the local solution to global recession. It is perhaps the only Indian city where a single crossroad is manned by 13 traffic policemen in spite of the presence of traffic signals in perfect working condition. The absolute lack of synchrony in their traffic-channelizing dance (that would put most undiscovered South American tribes to shame) hints at their relative dispensability. Retarded chimps would do just as well.

2. The only people frisked in a bakehouse called Karachi Bakery are Muslims; the rest of the world struts in with ease. I am going to leave the multiple levels of hypocrisy and irony in the above observation unstated. Perhaps the city needs to discern Going Global from Aping Global.

3. What does a woman clad in a Burqa do in a club called Bottles & Chimneys? Double er.. Multiple standards? Please do e-mail me if you solve the conundrum.

4. The best biryani in town is dished out at a joint called Paradise. The only semblance to logic, albeit misplaced, in this confused city.

5. You will doubt the authenticity of your native tam/punju/bong/ghati/mallu/bihari/parsi accent when you hear the Hindi dialect of hyderabadi urdu. Tum logaan ku sharam aayinga. Hyderabad main itte itte tez potta hai rey. Inu logaan, ghar pe baithke gotiyaan nakko khelte re miyan. Road ke bich main, tiraafic rok ke, haathan aur pairaan ke saath paagalan ke jaise-ich khaleja piit-te rey bava. Phir hullu hullu karke, aap-ich pata nahin kaiku, tamasha band kartei. Jabardast majaa martei inu logaan. Ekdum jabardast!

26 comments:

nilofer said...

Taran Miyan, Khala jaan blog padhke bahut khush hotein. Keep it up bol rahin rey. Tu bahut ushaar re, bahut jyaada ushaar bhi bol rahin :)

notgogol said...

You online?

atomicgitten said...

Sigh... and here I thinking I was making some headway into the lingo. Ah well, at least I can manage a decent bargaining back and forth with the local hyds I've come into contact with: namely the autowalas. :P

And as for traffic in Hyderabad- I've seen my share of road madness, but Hyderabad takes the cake anytime!
Apparently the only rule is there is no rule. That and "try to kill the pedestrian".

kamna said...

I wish I could read people and culture like you do. You are splendid man.

notgogol said...

@atomicgitten: It's not "lingo". It's a full fledged language that is evolving as we speak :) And very very entertaining my dear potti :)
And road sense you have Pune and Hyd mixed up baba - Pune is Kill-em all; Hyd is Scare-em, if it doesn't work then only run-over-em :)
Stop using autos; start driving. You cannot be worse than the residen road nawabs na :)

@kamu: he he he. I am not half as good as you're making me out to be. Im literally blushing re :) Btw I did a lot of gujju reading today. 150 strong gujjuben-bhai crowd at suburban club. and Himmesh is still king there :)

anoushka said...

Someone seems to be having a lot of fun traveling. How did you manage to pick up so much Hyderabadi so quickly?

:| said...

Hyderabadi Biryani!
Hell yeah!

\m/

atomicgitten said...

Would love to drive- but the slight lack of a license(not that any of the drivers here seem to have one either) and the absence of willing vehicle pose impediments to driving dreams.
"Scare-'em" ? Scare-'em to deat h you mean. Either case we end up dead :P

Ruchika said...

LOL! Love the exactness of the Hyderabadi Hindi/Urdu or just...Hyderabadi! Thanks for that.

What makes Hyd auto rides even more potent is matrix-level self-faith these drivers have in their abilities. In these unfunny times of terror, I am convinced that the odds of me popping thanks to a Hyd auto vs. popping in a terror attack (in various parts of the ctry) are well...equal...

notgogol said...

@soniya: You have to taste this particular kind to know how good it is. In the words on my Indonesian colleague "Its hot. Its steamy. Its orgasmic!" :P

@atomicgitten: Ever considered Hijacking an auto? Or more realistically - ask the autowallah to give you a quick auto-riding-lesson. Its awesome fun :)

@Ruchika: "matrix-level self-faith these drivers have in their abilities" LOL! I think that applies to all the members of the autowallah species irrespective of where they come from :)

Ruchika said...

Sure it does...but after the madness that is (or as i thought, was)Delhi traffic...these guys seem to be free-riding on illicit import!Like way ahead...try going through Paradise, crouched in an auto, with the usual Hyd fare rushing at you from all sides...woohoo!

atomicgitten said...

Hmm.. that's a plan. Now all I need to do is get handy with hindi so that the auto dude doesn't die of laughter before s/he can comply :P

notgogol said...

@ruchika: Point noted! I also recommend trying to cross the Karachi bakery intersection to truly cherish your life and literally taste your heart in your mouth. You might also consider driving down MG Road in Pune to generate the same feeling :)

@atomicgitten: nah re. Even waving a 500 rupee Gandhi does the same trick. But trust me - it is bloody awesome. You can feel the entire engine vibrating in your body :)

Jan said...

the little bit of Hindi i learned in Delhi has evaporated like nail polish remover :P I'm going to have to resort to miming and gesturing when I go back now. Sigh.

aditionpaper said...

am sorry its not hullu hullu its "hallu hallu"...sorry couldn't resist...hullu hullu just sounds so wrong...

aditionpaper said...

Tum logaan ku sharam aayinga. Hyderabad main itte itte tez pottiya hai rey. Inn logaan, ghar pe baithke gotiyaan "nakko?" khelte miyan. Road ke beech main, tiraafic rok ke, haathan pairaan ke saath paagalan ke jaise-ich khaleja piit-te rey bava. Phir hallu hallu, aap-ich pata naii kaiku, tamasha band karte. Zabardast majjaa marte inn logaan. Ekdum jabardast!

aditionpaper said...

now sounds right :)

atomicgitten said...

Obviously, someone has many 500Rs notes at disposal...

HolyTrance said...

hahaha...the aptness of hyd hindi is just awesome...i hve been living in hyd for a year n a half and still havent been able to pick it up :((

notgogol said...

@ Jan: Lol :P Right!
@ aditi: er.. That is all the Hyderabadi hindi I could pick up from my bi-monthly visits there :P Mereku maaf karna ji :)
@ atomicgittten: No. But I choose to spend the few that I have on the important things in life - foor, water and auto-driving classes :)
@ holytrance: You need to spend time with the local cab drivers re. They are brilliant teachers :)

Metallica bhakt! said...

Hyd also serves vodka shot golgappas! did u try them? and it also as HRC! btw the biscuits of Kwality Bakery are God! amazing!
btw even "baap" is like an alltime Hydie thingi!!

notgogol said...

I've had vodka golgappas in Mumbai. Yup.. they're very very guudd :D
I mean its golgappas + vodka - the best food from India and the only constructive thing that has come out of Russia - together. Mum main paani coming :|

Kwality bakery? I've had the ones from Karachi bakery and they're real good :)

"baap" is more of a "gulti" thing. on the lines of "ent-raa?" :P I have this 7-footer friend who goes around calling everyone "baap". I find that very strange :P

and the HRC is at the international airport. Haven't been there but have heard that is a tad small.

Metallica bhakt! said...

Dude Where in Mumbai do u get those golgappas??temme the place.. :o damn I have been searching for them here since ever..oh yah maybe its Karachi bakery,I just remember the K..They have this tutti-fruti thingi and nuts in them..Oh maybe coz apna Mumbai HRC is like sprawlingly huge n awesome..but those biscuits are Godmax dude..like random sentences yet.Hyd also has A Google office..damn it(the Mumbai one is pretty small so yeah!!)

Metallica bhakt! said...

ya agreed but dude its a gulti thingi : telegu --> Hyderabad-->Andhra Pradesh which is the ultimate gulti kingdom..I have a friend here who has Hyd Muslim roots n her mom talks to us like this..Kya kar reli hai chokri..It was amusing initially now its all cool though..

notgogol said...

@metallicabhakt: yeh kya re. tumko pata-ich nahin ki daaru waala golgappa idhar-ich, mumbai main ich chalu hua re. kaisi potti re tu. :)
U get them at this place called "the dhaba" in oshiwara; very close to the oshiwara police station.

Btw: u jus remember the K? u sound like eKta kapoor/Karan johar/raKesh Roshan...

Zeba said...

Haha..I can totally relate to this post of yours....Hyderabadis sure are an unusual lot of people!