Saturday, January 16, 2010

Eats flies and leaves

Addendum 132 to the 'List of 5 inappropriate things to tell Paraglider'

1. No matter how drunk you are, never tell two Dutchmen that 'Belgish' beer tastes better than Dutch beer, especially if one of them is your flight instructor. Also, do not verbalize weird drunk analogies about the beer of a nation epitomizing the true nature of its women. Haywards - strong, unpredictable and can give an unforeseen kick. Heineken - characterless, bland and at best, its just something cold.

2. Never tell a Jolly Roger tattooed Swiss tennis fan, sans front teeth, that Roger Federer does not fancy women - "Why else would he marry a cow*?" Do not indulge in punning commentary about the movies Roger's wife could star in - Bridget Jones' dairy, Dude where's my cow, The lives of udders!

3. As a flyer is about to take off refrain from being a wise-ass - "Isn't this para-glider like a modern manifestation of an albatross around our necks? Oh sorry, what I meant is... safe flight!"

4. Mother nature 'urgently-called' is not an acceptable reason for me to return to the ground 5 minutes after take-off. "You amateurs do not respect the wind. You did not have to come down!" Exactly how peeing into the wind is sacrosanct, is a topic I chose not to broach; at least not when your life depended on Mr. Wind-Respecter's walky-talky directional directions. With my sense of direction (to call it below-average would be lying and abysmally embarrassing an understatement; if you can guess the probability of a deaf bat trying to find its way out of a box with a bat shaped hole in it, what you have are the chances of me finding my way from HRC to Shiro, sober) discretion this time, undoubtedly, was the better part of valour.

5. I'm bored. Let's play a game. Let's estimate the number of years of your life you've lost watching the weather forecast on TV?

(all photos by the only non-flyer, Popat-bhai. Ironic?)

(Click-on-pic. FYI, as I don't own a glider, I must rent it. And, when I rent a glider, I have no control over color. I did try my best to convince the Dutchmen that looking chic and NOT YELLOW was as aerodynamically critical as weight, chord, height and number of glider cells. To put it mildly, he was not amused - "Spring je eigen kont en sterven!")


Left - Icarus wannabe; Right - Eric von Whothefucken (on ground), Neil van Whathefucken (suspended)


Gliders of a polyester, never flock together [sic]?

* Mirka Bovine-ic

20 comments:

abhishek said...

2nd point...ROFL

kamna said...

Hey Dude... so you started paragliding now... aish hai yaar... very neat..

Dude.. is it too much to ask that you do not insult someone during ur first encounter??

ROTFLMAO @ 'spring je eigen kont en sterven!' ... tu kutta hai! I would have loved to have heard all this in person with the horizontal hand flicks... anyways...

P.S.1 Stop being an emotional fool... I hate it when you let people treat you like a doormat... please stop... it hurts taran.

P.S.2 reply to calls/chats, will you?

P.S.3 spoke to ur mum yesterday. Spain is right next door to Ireland... it does not change in April.

Anonymous said...

1st things first. You cannot ride a bike. You are the worst car driver in the world. But you fly. You are born mad!

You are at home around firangs, aren't you? Nice pics. I was so happy to see the "blog's alive" mail. I cudn't stop smiling.

Agree with Kamu on her PSs.

Nadu

PS4 stop putting crap in Nilo's head. she's going nowhere.

notgogol said...

@abhishek: :) I don't know you, do I?

@kamu: I did not insult any of them personally, did I now? Just their fellow countrymen/women :)

And, I wasn't in town for a while. Just got back. Will reply. April plans are very sketchy.

@nadu: Both of us are guilty of the being mad charge woman. :)

Nilo's not going nowhere. As I messaged, she's already booked. Stop being the overprotective behna and all :)

anoushka said...

We both like to talk in points, don't we now? :) So here's what I have to say Taran, all for your own good -

1. Quit job
2. Quit Bombay
3. Come back home
4. Stop fighting with Mom sr. and jr.
5. Write. Just write.

Either you start sucking at writing or listen to me.

P.S. I gave 'BHMBG' your blog address :)

anoushka said...

Btw, awesome post title :)

notgogol said...

@anu: :)

1. mustering courage
2. will
3. hmm...
4. hmm...
5. will

P.S. bitch!

Nilo said...

apa jaan agar tension nahin lengi toh kaun lega ;-)

AtomicGitten said...

Gliding!! Sigh.. always wanted to do that. And dude, even teetotaler like me knows not to challenge beer conceptions! ah well,perhaps the altitude got to your head :P

notgogol said...

@nilo - kya toh reply karun, yahin saamne baithi hai jab :P

@atomic - hey atomic. long time no speak. how is it u be? was talking about the git sisters to a friend just a while back.
Also, I see I have a lot of catching up to do on ur blog.

AtomicGitten said...

Things have been as lugubrious as ever- except for the occasional Telengana trouble. But then again, not all of us lead the charmed paragliding life that you enjoy :D
Discussing the Gits have we? Hmm... As for blog developments, we try to maintain praxis regardless of our own inexhaustible sloth :P. Comments are welcome :)

surabhi said...

how do u manage all these things with wrk man.. i just wanna say i am super super SUPER jealous...

vira said...

aur udd! :D

notgogol said...

@atomic: Was stranded at Medak during one such bandh. I'm in half a mind to go on a hunger strike and ask for a state of my own. I might get it.

@surabhi: lady, i'm looking at it a little differently these days. i'm trying to work DESPITE all these distractions :)

@vira: udaa! :)

entwined said...

Kudna fandna, udna kuch toh nahi choda tune. Ek doobna hi baaki hai...kuan khod le.

and how does your blog get so full of classic spam...really?!

notgogol said...

will do so!

:| said...

Double like! ^_^

notgogol said...

:)

anoushka said...

Where the f**k has my comment gone?

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