Saturday, January 16, 2010

Eats flies and leaves

Addendum 132 to the 'List of 5 inappropriate things to tell Paraglider'

1. No matter how drunk you are, never tell two Dutchmen that 'Belgish' beer tastes better than Dutch beer, especially if one of them is your flight instructor. Also, do not verbalize weird drunk analogies about the beer of a nation epitomizing the true nature of its women. Haywards - strong, unpredictable and can give an unforeseen kick. Heineken - characterless, bland and at best, its just something cold.

2. Never tell a Jolly Roger tattooed Swiss tennis fan, sans front teeth, that Roger Federer does not fancy women - "Why else would he marry a cow*?" Do not indulge in punning commentary about the movies Roger's wife could star in - Bridget Jones' dairy, Dude where's my cow, The lives of udders!

3. As a flyer is about to take off refrain from being a wise-ass - "Isn't this para-glider like a modern manifestation of an albatross around our necks? Oh sorry, what I meant is... safe flight!"

4. Mother nature 'urgently-called' is not an acceptable reason for me to return to the ground 5 minutes after take-off. "You amateurs do not respect the wind. You did not have to come down!" Exactly how peeing into the wind is sacrosanct, is a topic I chose not to broach; at least not when your life depended on Mr. Wind-Respecter's walky-talky directional directions. With my sense of direction (to call it below-average would be lying and abysmally embarrassing an understatement; if you can guess the probability of a deaf bat trying to find its way out of a box with a bat shaped hole in it, what you have are the chances of me finding my way from HRC to Shiro, sober) discretion this time, undoubtedly, was the better part of valour.

5. I'm bored. Let's play a game. Let's estimate the number of years of your life you've lost watching the weather forecast on TV?

(all photos by the only non-flyer, Popat-bhai. Ironic?)

(Click-on-pic. FYI, as I don't own a glider, I must rent it. And, when I rent a glider, I have no control over color. I did try my best to convince the Dutchmen that looking chic and NOT YELLOW was as aerodynamically critical as weight, chord, height and number of glider cells. To put it mildly, he was not amused - "Spring je eigen kont en sterven!")

Left - Icarus wannabe; Right - Eric von Whothefucken (on ground), Neil van Whathefucken (suspended)

Gliders of a polyester, never flock together [sic]?

* Mirka Bovine-ic