Friday, January 18, 2008

Behold the power of the Sindoor!!!

A nuclear family of four, at 8 o'clock every night, welcomes a new member that graces us with its divine presence for 3 long hours. The Idiot Box. It reveals the infinite potential possessed by the SINDOOR; potential to tame the faculties of every second housewife in the nation; potential to defile all that was achieved by the women's liberation movement and potential to expose the divinity of the letter 'K'.

It doesn't take a genius to master the Art Of Cooking a soap opera.So here it is - an instant recipe for a K-Soap Opera.


1/2 a dozen Sindoor laden, overdresed and over-bejewelled Bahus who can weep on cue

1 heavyweight Saas with a streak of white hair, like the smoke trail of a jet in the dark sky

1 fortress of a house in the guise of "A bahu's temple of love"

1/2 a dozen male business tycoons that make the Ambanis look like paupers

Podgy Kids according to taste

1 Karva Chauth after every 15 episodes

1 family doctor; Specialization - Amnesia, Most Prescribed Drug - Generous doses of "Bhagwaan pe Bharosa Rakho"

1 Dr.Jekyll; Specialization - Plastic Surgery/Murder, Most Prescribed Drug - Generous Doses of "Aapka Kaam Ho gaya"

10 litres of glycerine

10 kgs of Sindoor

1 Time Machine


Middle class girl - read Cotton Salwar Kameez clad - is married into the Birla household - read Colosseum. Spends her day being devoured by the ennui of kitchen work and frivlous conspiracy. She is pitted against her Saas in a gladiatorial battle whose outcome determines the Daal that would be prepared in the kitchen(or something even more frivlous). For allies the Saas has a whole batallion of other like-daal eating, superficial, scheming, and petty walking Make-up Boxes for Bahus. Battle uniform - Sarees that would put Madhuri's "Didi Tera Dewar Deewana" and Sharmila's "Almost Backless" to shame. Being the Saint that she is, the Middle Class Bahu gives into the excesses dished out to her. End of story? On earth, perhaps. But not in K-World.

As soon as the Saintly Bahu shows signs of recovery from her lost battle she is dealt the coup de grace - a dead/unfaithful/oblivious husband. Broken and in despair she leaves the arena, only to make an appearance after 3 episodes in the highly publicized Revenge Of The Bahu (in Dolby Surround, whether you like it or not).Apparently she rediscovers the business acumen that she never possessed, turns "Business-India Cover"quality overnight and returns to lend a helping hand to her ever-instantly bankrupt in-laws.And they live happily ever after? On earth, perhaps. But not in K-World.

Fast Forward!!

20 yrs and 1 episode later, the bahu hasn't aged a day and she has an over-bubbly, mini-skirt clad daughter who looks like her older sister. The Saas is live and kicking. The Husband is reborn/is forgiven/has obtained a new fuse. One big, happy family - read gigantic, plastic menagerie. Does the torture end here? On earth, perhaps. But not in K-World.

Enter Junta Ka Poll :

"Kya aap Tulsi/KKKKKusum ki zindagi main apne aap ko dekhti hain?"

"Kya aap Sindoor ki taaqat se waaqif hain?"

Agar humein aapki daal pasand aayi, main Tulsi/KKKKKusum aapse waada karti hun, aapki rasoi main aapka daal/dard baatne aaungi.